


selfish

by werealldreaming



Category: Mistborn - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Pre-Canon, the alternate title to this is 'vin's compassion vs her trauma: fight fight fight', well kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 18:59:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19157005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/werealldreaming/pseuds/werealldreaming
Summary: Vin has always been selfish. She makes the active choice to be selfish, because in the underground, being selfish keeps a person alive. Kindness and compassion are selfless qualities, and they get people killed.





	selfish

Vin has always been selfish. She makes the active choice to be selfish, because in the underground, being selfish keeps a person alive. Kindness and compassion are selfless qualities, and they get people killed.

Reen had drilled that into her from the very beginning. Don’t trust, don’t believe in the best in people, but above all, _don’t be selfless_. People in the underground don’t appreciate softness, they exploit it.

Now, Vin is being selfish by hiding on the roof. She ought to go downstairs and help with whatever needs to get done. There’s always something that needs to get done, after all.

But several of the men had just returned from a job that had gone rather poorly. They’d made a stop somewhere on the way back, too, getting themselves completely and utterly drunk. Vin doesn’t want to be around them.

Besides, there's something soothing about being up high, looking out above the people on the street. It feels safer than being on the ground.

She watches the ash fall, a soft grey filter. Vin hates the ash, just like everyone else. But sometimes she can lie, convince herself that it's beautiful. It is beautiful, in a way. A blanket covering the world, muffling sound and making the world softer.

Then she sees the permanently stained buildings and the darkened faces of passerby, and the illusion is broken.

There's a creak as the door to the rooftop opens, and then footsteps. Vin glances up and twists around. It's Noel. He’s a few years younger than Vin, and new to the crew. There’s a certain softness about him, as if he’s not fully used to the brutality of the underground. His face is slightly swollen, the beginnings of a bruise forming. Someone had beaten him in a fit of rage, most likely.

The boy crosses the roof and settles down near the edge, a ways away from where Vin is sitting, cross legged. Vin turns back to look out over the rooftops. She doesn't acknowledge his presence.

They sit quietly like that for several moments. Then Noel makes a faint noise and draws a ragged breath. He is curled into a ball, arms hugging his knees. His shoulders shake. Vin can't see his face, but she knows that if she could she'd see tears cutting tracks into the ash on his face. His sobs are silent; he has at least learned to hide and attract as little attention as possible. Especially attention to a moment of weakness.

Briefly, Vin wonders if she should go over and comfort him. She doesn't like seeing others in pain, physical or emotional. It's one of her weaknesses. But that would be an act of kindness, and she knows it will have consequences. Besides, it will create a connection between them, and Vin can’t have that. Connections are almost as dangerous as kindness, in the underground.

Instead, she picks at the scabbed, healing skin of a wound on her face and tries not to pay attention to Noel.

She’d gotten the wound from a situation much like the one she was avoiding right now. A man had stumbled back from a failed job, drunk and looking for a fight, and stumbled across her. Vin had used her Luck to calm the man, but not before he’d backhanded her across the face. His ring had cut her face, and it was only then that she’d remembered to push away his anger until he was no longer interested in destruction. She's certain the only reason she'd gotten as little as she had from the encounter was her Luck. It hadn't been the first time it had saved her, and she doesn't think it will be the last time, either.

She doesn’t fully understand her Luck. It’s an instinctive skill, one she can’t imagine living without, but she’s never figured out what it is or where it comes from. She does understand what it can do, though.

She starts to reach out tentatively, then draws back. She doesn’t have that much Luck. She’s also not sure how to get more of it, or how long that would take. What if she needs it again?

Vin bites her lip. She shouldn’t bother helping the boy, especially not with something that gives her as much of an advantage as Luck. It’s a foolish move, and she’ll pay for it if Reen ever finds out. But a part of her doesn’t care about the logical conclusion. A part of her remembers being in Noel’s situation, alone and upset, with nobody to turn to for comfort.

Besides, this will make sure Noel doesn’t feel as if there is a connection between the two of them. He doesn’t know about Vin’s Luck.

She reaches out and activates her Luck. She’s careful to use as little as possible, but she reaches out and brushes against Noel. He’s still crying, just as quiet as before, though he’s shifted his arms so he can wipe away his tears. His shoulders drop ever so slightly as the Luck calms him, soothes away sadness and pain and anger. He takes a deep breath.

Vin watches him as he wipes away the last of his tears and stands up. He glances at Vin as he walks to the door to reenter the building, makes eye contact and flashes a small smile. There’s no way he knows about her Luck, but he seems to have realized that she did _something_. The thought makes her grimace internally.

Maybe she shouldn’t have used her Luck. Her reserves are depleted now, and that means she’s lost one of her biggest advantages. But she thinks of Noel’s smile again, the way it had lit up his entire face. Even after he’d been hurt by one of the other crew members, he’d smiled. And she had been the cause of it. _She_ had made his day that much better, that much easier.

It’s a good feeling, Vin thinks. And perhaps it had been a good use of her Luck.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote 95% of this about a month ago and finally finished today lmao
> 
> i feed off of comments and external validation, please feed me
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](https://ternaryflower53.tumblr.com)


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